AGM Run - Everyone's Presence Required
Monday 20th July, 5.15pm
Run No. 2712
Hare: MMC
Harriers AGM Run
Run Site: MadiVilla
Well then, Monday rolled around, which could only mean one thing. It is time for another Colombo Men's Hash, another trail, another circle, and another room full of hashers who are convinced they know how to run the kennel better than everyone else.
Before all that, though, your scribe had one of those days where life insists on getting in the way of hashing.
Earlier I'd been over to Uncover. Seeing families still fighting for land taken years ago by the army and never returned certainly puts life into perspective. It was a sobering reminder that there are some battles worth having. Thankfully, by Monday evening it was time for a rather more important struggle.
Making sure there was enough rum.
Halfway through the afternoon my phone rings. "Can you bring some rum?" Now that's the sort of emergency call every hasher understands.
My home bar is well stocked, but mostly with imported bottles. Local rum wasn't exactly overflowing, so it became an emergency beer-shop run. Luckily, one of our fellow hashers came to the rescue. Every kennel has heroes. Ours just happen to arrive carrying alcohol.
With the rum crisis solved, I assumed my usual lift wasn't happening, so I grabbed a taxi instead. Naturally, five minutes later I discovered I'd guessed entirely wrong. Typical. The taxi dropped me beside the temple. We'd hashed from here often enough that I could probably find the run site blindfolded. Mind you, after a few Down Downs, most of us probably have, too.
As I wandered in, I spotted the GM strolling back looking rather pleased with himself. "You laid the trail on your own?" "Yep." Well, bugger me. That's got to be a first. Normally I'd receive the traditional panic call halfway through the afternoon. "Hammer... where are you? Can you stand in?" Not this week. Fair play to him.
Truth be told, I quite enjoy laying the trail alone. There's something strangely peaceful about wandering through Colombo, dropping paper, plotting checks and imagining the colourful language that'll be directed at you an hour later. It's almost therapeutic.
The pre-run briefing was short and cheerful, and, remarkably, people were actually listening. One thing I'd still love to see become standard is starting the briefing bang on 5.15. Let everyone know beforehand, stop the late arrivals wandering in halfway through, and get Runs Off when it's supposed to happen instead of fifteen minutes after everyone's already finished talking.
Miracles can happen. I even stayed to listen. Anyone who knows me knows that's unusual. Normally by this point I'm halfway down the road looking for the first check. But it was AGM night, so even I can behave occasionally.
The trail itself...
Considering we've absolutely hammered the MadiVilla area over the years, the GM did a respectable job. It's becoming increasingly difficult to find fresh ground now there are so many kennels roaming Colombo looking for bits of paper.
Monday also happened to be PMS Hash night. For a while, I was convinced we would suddenly find ourselves with thirty ladies charging towards us from the opposite direction. Thankfully, the Monkey Gods were smiling. Not a single trail crossed.
Somewhere, two hares actually managed to communicate with each other. Mark the calendar. As for me, I somehow ended up with another speed walker. You know the type. Claims they're walking. Proceeds to march like they're late for the last helicopter out of Saigon.
Even with the occasional SCB, we still knocked out around five and a half kilometres, which was more than enough. My back was still screaming after the AWC Hash over the weekend, and every step reminded me that apparently I'm no longer twenty-five.
Back at base a few walkers had already appeared. Now, whether they'd genuinely followed the trail or simply wandered gracefully around the park is a matter currently under investigation. Personally, I don't mind. If you disappear from the beer truck long enough to work up a thirst, you've earned your pint.
One thing that really pleased me was seeing several of the lads who usually sprint off home after the run actually stay for Circle. About bloody time. Hashing isn't just about chasing paper. Circle is where the lies begin. The trail somehow becomes longer. The hills become steeper. The shiggy gets muddier. Everyone suddenly becomes an expert on how the hare should have laid a trail. That's hashing.
The sangria was cracking. My rum disappeared at an alarming rate, which generally means people approved. Either that or they simply weren't fussy. Circle itself was lively. Plenty of opinions. Plenty of laughs. A few serious moments. Enough heckling to remind us we were definitely at a Hash AGM rather than a board meeting.
There were no earth-shattering announcements. The kennel survives. The beer survives. The abuse survives. As for me...
Apparently I'm now officially the Webmaster. Notice I didn't say committee member.
I think everyone quietly agreed it's safer that way. They know I'll happily build websites, resolve problems, update pages and generally help whenever needed. Actually putting me on the committee? I suspect they enjoy sleeping at night.
Truth be told, I've already got enough on my plate, and I rather enjoy being able to throw stones from outside the committee room instead of sitting inside it.
Overall? Another cracking Monday. A solid trail. A decent turnout. Good beer. Good banter. It was a successful AGM, with no one needing stitches. We'll call that a win.
On On, you magnificent bunch of beer-drinking, paper-chasing reprobates.
Remember this. Your loyalty is to Hashing. Not one kennel.
Support them all.
Run Saturdays.
Run Mondays.
Run Wednesdays.
The more trails you chase, the better the stories become.
And if you haven't joined CH4 yet...
What exactly are you waiting for?
🍺 Upcoming Mischief
CH4. Wednesday, 22nd July.
Wednesday is rapidly becoming Colombo's worst-kept secret. Fresh paper will appear where common sense disappears. Expect checks that'll split the pack into geniuses and complete idiots; SCBs from people who definitely should know better; and at least one hasher insisting, "I've got trail!" while confidently leading everyone into a dead end. Beer will be waiting. Eventually.
CH3 Mixed Hash. Saturday, 25th July.
The mixed hash returns with runners, walkers and enough banter to keep Circle going long after sunset. The hares will promise it's "only a gentle run", which should immediately set alarm bells ringing. Expect plenty of shiggy, plenty of wrong turns and somebody blaming Google Maps for following paper.
CH3 Men's Hash. Monday 27th July.
Another Monday, another opportunity to discover just how creative a hare can be with flour and dubious intentions. There'll be false trails, mysterious checks and at least one shortcut that turns out to be anything but. Afterwards, everyone will agree it was a brilliant trail while conveniently forgetting all the swearing halfway round.
CFMH3. Fullmoon with a Howl. Thursday, 30th July.
When the moon comes up, common sense goes down. Join the pack for another evening of paper-chasing, jungle-bashing and blaming the hare for every poor decision you've ever made. Bring a torch, bring your sense of humour and don't be surprised if the beer tastes even better under a full moon.
CPMSH3 Ladies Hash. Monday 31st August.
Never underestimate this kennel. They'll smile sweetly while dismantling your reputation one joke at a time. Great trails, a brilliant circle, ruthless wit and enough laughter to remind the men why we're usually safer staying on our own trail.
Disclaimer
The events described above are based loosely on reality, heavily influenced by beer, and almost certainly improved through selective memory. No hares were harmed during the writing of this report, although several probably deserved it. If you recognise yourself, buy the scribe a beer. If you don't recognise yourself, you were either checking the wrong trail, hiding behind the beer truck, or still trying to work out that last false check. On On!